be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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