now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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