Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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