I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
