everyone is single if you try hard enough
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize