i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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