That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
