It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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