LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
