dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
