Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
