he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
