i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
