It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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