return my video game
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
