please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this will be a night to untag.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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