Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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