it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God, I missed his penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
