Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
