oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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