I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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