I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
