there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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