So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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