This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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