Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
