I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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