I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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