I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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