Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
