gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
