gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was born a porn star she said
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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