New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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