i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's Friday. Sex?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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