he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
