Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she peed on how many people?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize