he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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