If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
