Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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