so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You smell like stripper and shame
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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