smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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