this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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