My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize