There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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