That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
