there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
