2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
