ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
