I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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