i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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