So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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