I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
