So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The air was thick with penises
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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