So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
