On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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