I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
