I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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