fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
