Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
